If that was your dad, he is hot
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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