i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
