dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
