My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize