the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
