I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize