maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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