I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize