it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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