apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
