I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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