We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
