Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
