I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
