I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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