my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
