worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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