just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
