i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
