Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
