he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
