We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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