apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize