Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
smell my finger.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
