My room smells like vodka and shame
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
