tell your sister to shave her snatch
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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