i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
