There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We're hate flirting, damnit.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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