Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to sanitize my soul.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
