just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
