I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
