the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
