I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize