if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
smell my finger.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
