you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
