I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
