just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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