so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
