how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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