Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
