It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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