Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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