Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
