I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
