Having a random hookup so left but love u
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
