whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
