That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
