The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
