Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
