anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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