I wish I only lived at night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
