I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize