You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
