So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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