btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
