If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
