she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
