So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
