The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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