Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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