Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize