The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
