Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
