when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize