Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
