I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
