i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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