My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
