Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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