We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
